I’m not sure how to explain what it feels like when you find “your something”.
Something that resonates deep down in your soul
Something that just feels so right, so natural
Something that you can’t imagine not doing for the rest of your life
Something that puts your entire life in balance
Something that is so satisfying …. I don’t know …. like that feeling you get when you slip into a freshly made bed with clean sheets….
You know ….. YOUR SOMETHING!!!
My entire life, I’ve always felt a bit like Moses and the Israelites, wandering through the wilderness searching for the promised land. Then one afternoon out of nowhere, the moment happens ….. the very moment when you finally stumble upon that something that makes you tick. This unexplainable sense of frightening familiarity that overwhelms you. Yes frightening, because nothing about it is at all familiar. You have this frightening yet somewhat comforting deep understanding of who you are and why you were created. Regardless if it takes 46 years like me…..your entire life takes on new meaning. Even the way you view life and the way you engage with life is radically different all of a sudden.
Someone once said, “Tiffany, your move to Holland is more about you than it is about Patrick.” Those words have stuck with me ever since and I always wondered what exactly that meant until I started to write.
I’ve never been one for journaling, in fact I have always classified it as a huge waste of time. Why would anyone want to write down their feeling, thoughts, adventures, honestly, what would be the purpose? Then there was the creative writing assignments doled out in school, drudgery, that’s what I called those. In fact I had always envisioned being a pop star, the likes of Janet Jackson or Madonna. I even took voice lessons at one point and bought a karaoke machine with the hope that I could somehow develop the skill! What I found out was that not only can I not carry a tune, I can’t dance either. To this day I can’t even really do the hustle …. I will leave it at that.
Then one afternoon, bored out of my mind, I grabbed my iPad. Not sure why exactly, I think I was envisioning writing down some thoughts about moving abroad and some of the challenges I experienced. I didn’t want to forget…..they always say, life is about the journey not the destination. So I though why not, lets capture the journey! However when I started to write and my thoughts started to come to life through my fingers, my entire body curiously leaned in. My fingers danced across the keys and I watched in amazement as a voice I never knew I had started to form before my eyes, it was the most unbelievable feeling. In fact things I had always tried to verbalize but couldn’t articulate very well suddenly started pouring out of me, almost rhythmically. That’s when I realized that the iPad was my stage, my fingers dancing across the keyboard where the instruments and the words appearing on the page, that was my song …. and my blog, well, each one is a soundtrack of my life.
C.S. Lewis once said ~ “The more we let God take us over, the more truly ourselves we become, because he made us. He invented us.”
I had been so busy trying to manufacture meaning and purpose that I didn’t realize it was within me all along. I needed to get myself out of the way and let God take over. The only way that was ever going to happen was to literally pluck me out of my environment, even if that meant moving me half way around the world to do it …..
It’s odd to me now as I reflect back on my life up to this point that I ever expected to find any meaning and purpose to my life without faith in God. When I believed that we just “happened” onto the planet for no apparent reason, I couldn’t wrap my head around why people just couldn’t get over it …. You’re born. You live. You die ….. So what? As I write this, I can’t help but laugh because when you view life that way it’s a wonder the human race even survives, why not just throw in the towel, what’s the point?
The journey to get here has not been easy and the road ahead is not paved. It will be filled with challenges I’m sure but the lens through which I view those challenges are a lot rosier that much I can tell you.
This is only my 19th blog, I know I’ve got a long way to go to hone my skill. However Picasso produced over 20,000 pieces of art to make a few masterpieces. I’m not afraid to fail, I’m more afraid of failing to try. For me because it’s a God thing, my excitement supersedes my fears.
Tiffany, I finally found “my something”
His for sowing