When Did I Become My Hair?

If you would have told me that my entire self worth was tied up in my outward appearance I would have NEVER believed you ….. until yesterday.

I found myself sitting in the hair salon waiting for my appointment. The anxiety I had was overwhelming and I was really struggling to hold it together and not have a complete melt down. I was sporting a technicolor of hideousness …. gray roots mixed with what I assume is my natural colour, abruptly followed by 4 inches of purple and then transcending into a faded collection of chestnut orange yuckiness that went on for another glorious 14 inches. It’s truly the most magnificent look I’ve had in recent memory ….. at least since my early 80’s montage of questionably iconic perms …. but I digress.

In January I decided to be my authentic outside self and I am literally starting from the top of my head ….. I made the decision to stop dying my hair and embrace whatever colour God gave me, which in my case will probably be some variation of salt and pepper. Reading my blog post My Last Will and Testament may be helpful in laying out the foundation for you.

Now back to my technicolor hideousness …..

imageThe past few days have been a little trying, on a very superficial level I am embarrassed to admit, but for me at that moment the struggle was real and I was feeling defeated. I have been obsessing over my hair, the cut, the colour, absolutely everything! In fact this was the text exchange between Patrick and I in the midst of my personal drama.

 

imageimageimageimageHonestly ….. less than 24 hours later ….. Really? Tiffany, it’s hair …. I find myself asking “What just happened? How did you almost lose your mind over hair?”

I will tell you how it happened ….. media, magazines, society, even my own brother-in-law called me “stupid” for letting my hair go gray, he went even further to state that for men going gray was natural, but not for women (yes, he’s still alive) … However neanderthal I found his comments, it just proves the significance we place on women and their outward appearance, not to mention the obligation we feel to defy the aging process.

Why does the aging of a woman personify failure in the eyes of the world?

Why does the aging of a woman define when her career is over?

Why does the aging of a woman signal her best years are behind her?

Why does the aging of a woman conclude she is no longer attractive?

How did this happen? When did this happen?  Why did this happen?  Worse, why do we believe it?

Unfortunately every once in a while I allow myself to believe the lies about women, beauty and aging and every time I go there the drama that ensues is always exactly what unfolded at the hair salon yesterday!

I have bangs because someone once told me that the lines on my forehead made me look angry.  I grew out my hair once because someone said that long hair would be more attractive (on them maybe!) ….. The saddest part? They were women who said these words to me.  They said these things with the best of intentions, but I obsessed over those words. Sometimes I catch myself trying to iron out the wrinkles in my forehead with my fingers ….

Honestly, I can do better than that!  We as women can do better than that!

For the record, I only cut my hair yesterday, I’m still living the technicolor dream for as long as it takes!

image

I really need to stop allowing the culture around me to drag me down, because truly I’m just getting started and the best is yet to come!

Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. Romans 12:2

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11 thoughts on “When Did I Become My Hair?

  1. I love your viewpoint. There was a time – years back – where I thought I might look distinguished with my grey. If it weren’t that I was the proud owner of “Bride of Frankenstein” stripes at my temples it may have lasted longer than it did. But then I saw pictures of myself. Pictures of ourselves look dramatically different than the face we look at every day in the mirror don’t they? I immediately headed off the pharmacy in search of #117 Medium Golden Brown and except for frequency – am quite satisfied. Because of what others thought? Heck no!! Because of what I wanted for myself. Such satisfaction.

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    1. Crazy isn’t it? I don’t know what will happen at the end of my transition. I’m excited and anxious because who knows what I will think when I get there. Right now it’s day to day ….. but at least I will be like you, able to see it from both prospectives!

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    1. You’re so right! Writing my jumbled thoughts down helps me work through my reasons. Sometimes I don’t even know why I’m feeling something until I start to write! You must do that too! It’s so amazing when someone gets it! Thanks!!

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  2. First I wanted to say (without going to the standard “how old it makes you look” – and its young) this is an awesome cut on you, the salon was spot on when they chose this for you, its sophisticated and not fussy, like you.
    Your blog is perfectly timed, as we said our goodbyes in Windsor we spoke about the grey (me white) hair and it was easy to say I’ll do it to, go natural. Until you have two inches of very white hair encroaching on your hairline against the very black ends. I have a box of Loreal soft black that was scheduled to be used because I had an interview and goodness I couldn’t go like this. I wanted to be the mature 50+ woman showing experience but youthfulness and in style. Not have the person staring at my hairline wondering, “how old is she”. Close to quitting until God sent several people my way with lovely comments about how much they loved the white, very cool, who did it for me? a salon? is it permanent. Yeah its permanent. One lady said my eyes are so blue with the bright white its lovely. HMMMM, they like it, why do they see someone who is being “cool” and I see someone who an interviewer might not consider because the white means “old”, not current, etc. etc. (I didn’t dye it)
    You were so right, our hair is such a huge part of our image, we spend tons getting it done and I can honestly say at this age I am still looking for the perfect cut and color.
    ENOUGH, I am with Tiffany, I will embrace my authenticity and save my money. Look out everyone Victoria is letting God choose her hair color.
    Love you Tiffany and your brilliant way of making us all take a moment and think, HMMM WHY?

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    1. That brought tears to my eyes. I think about the interview issue as well. Once my immigration paperwork is in I have to start looking for a job…..what will think? Will they pass me by for someone younger? Maybe….but it’s a chance I’m willing to take. Before I left, I remember the beautiful shimmer appearing under the black and all I could think was “Victoria, let them out, they are beautiful!”. I love you and miss you! Not only are you my sister in Christ, you will be my silver sister too! (psst I found a tribe of people like us…..on Facebook. It’s the Growing Gray Beauty Guide, we also have a closed group that you can request to join…..its like a whole new world opened up!). xoxo

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    2. Victoria,
      It is the best thing I have done for “Beauty” in the year of my 50th birthday. No regrets, my silver is mine, like no one else! The blue eyed gals look so dramatic when the white comes in and frames their face, go for it!

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